BACKGROUND

30 million years ago, something absolutely insane happened. The craziest event the planet has ever seen. Monkeys sprung from the Earth.

And with them came “the funny.”

WHY WE DESERVE FRONT PAGE

We deserve the front page of the Talon due to the fact that monkeys play a key role in society, as without the monkey, there would be no funny. In our opinion, there is nothing funnier than a nice little monkey in a cool little suit with a nice hat. Name something funnier than that. You can’t. It is impossible.

You may be wondering: how do monkeys being funny and amazing make them deserve the front page? Well, it’s time to take things back to the origins of “ophsmonkeyclub.”

BACKGROUND PART 2

This Instagram-based club started when a need for monkey content was sensed. Various monkeys were posted on Instagram, and over a hundred OPHS students flocked to the page for their daily monkey content. Then, something insane happened. The Talon released an article that called us “monkey fanatics.” This sprawled into the biggest conflict ever, as we were insulted beyond belief by this claim. You see, we are not just “monkey fanatics.” We are monkey. You cannot control us. 

After this egregious act, we demanded the front page to share our ideals. A few days passed by as we prepared for battle. Then, we decided to send our top negotiator, Benjamin (see image to the right), to strike up a peace deal. In this deal, it was concluded that we would be able to pitch our reasoning for why we deserved the front page, in the form of a Op-ed. Now, back to the point.

WHY WE DESERVE FRONT PAGE PART 2

Reading that alone should make you realize our point. We were hurt beyond belief and deserve a page in the Talon to properly broadcast our ideas and identity (as monkey, not monkey fanatics) to the other fine people of OPHS. Thus far, our club has reached 153 members, making it an unstoppable force in modern politics. We are very proud of this achievement and would love to spread it to the other people of OPHS.       

Please click here to donate and feed an orphaned monkey.

 

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