Last Labor Day weekend, a family lit a pyrotechnic device in the fields of Yucaipa, California. Smoke billowed outward, reaching the dry grasses near it, and sparked a flame. It would later turn into the full-fledged El Dorado fire, burning over 22,000 acres in 23 days and leaving destruction in its wake. Four communities were forced to evacuate. Over 600 personnel were deployed to contain it. Thirteen firefighters were injured, and one was killed.

The cause? A gender reveal party.

Although the premise may sound innocent, gender reveal parties have a history of being dangerous. An Arizona couple, in an attempt to announce their baby’s gender to the world, shot an explosive and ignited a fire that scorched 27,000 acres during 2017. Last April, a smaller fire burned 10 acres in Florida, caused by the same explosive substance in yet another gender reveal. Worst of all, these parties have actually killed people: four Americans in the last two years, with two deaths occurring last month alone.

If those sinister effects weren’t enough, there’s more. Gender reveal parties often revolve around two options, presenting them as the only choices: boy or girl, blue or pink, wheels or heels, guns or glitter. No longer is the baby the center of the gathering — all eyes are on the theme that apparently represents that baby’s sex. These extravagant reveals play neatly into stereotypes and emphasize an outdated gender binary that we need to dismantle.

In fact, the name “gender reveal” isn’t technically accurate in the first place; a better term, centered around modern gender theory, would be “sex reveal.” And even that wouldn’t be entirely correct, because about 1 in 1000 babies are born intersex, or with ambiguous sex characteristics. The words “sex” and “gender” are no longer the same thing: the first generally depends on body parts, while the second is less concrete and hinges largely on psychological factors. An ultrasound can determine the shape of a child’s body, but it can’t predict how that child will behave or conform in the future. These parties assume a child’s future and character simply based on their biology.

The only thing an expecting couple can confidently announce about their child is that they are having one. By offering only two options, gender reveal parties perpetuate the stereotype that the gender assigned at birth is the one a child must identify as. Society has finally begun to progress toward accepting genderqueer and transgender people, but gender reveals stand firmly in the way. They depend on the highly problematic idea that there are only two genders, and any other labels are irrelevant. This website explains how gender exists on a spectrum: it’s not split evenly between two groups, but rather diverse and stands for many different identities.

The truth is that sex doesn’t signify anything about a child except the body parts they have. It can’t account for personality, which is arguably the most important aspect of a person. And even though it can sometimes limit a person’s options in society, it really shouldn’t. Gender reveals seem to declare, “Look at me, I’m a boy!” as if that’s the part of a newborn that matters most. 

Teaching children that one’s biological sex is key to a sense of self boxes them in, carrying on the tired idea that there are unbridgeable differences between males and females. This can especially hurt children who are gender-nonconforming by making them feel invalid for not fitting in.

To be clear, I’m not against celebrating a child’s birth. What I am against is overemphasizing a child’s biology to the point where it becomes the most important thing about them. In recent years, many families have moved toward safer and better alternatives, such as name reveals, Zodiac sign reveals, or even just good old-fashioned baby showers. These ideas are far better than gender reveals because they don’t carry on the theme of boys vs. girls — instead, they pay attention to the child as a whole.

There are many aspects of human life that are worth celebrating, and birth is undoubtedly one of them. A new human being entering the world is a special occasion in every way. However, gender reveals are not the way to go. By centering the celebration around the baby’s sex, they ignore other parts of a person that are far more important.

Our world is a rainbow of different identities that are as varied as they can be. And gender reveal parties, for all their pomp and ceremony, cling onto the idea that humans are split neatly down the middle. In reality, that’s just not how it works. We need to start treating babies like the unique, nonconforming people they deserve to be. And yes, that starts even before they are born.