iFlurtz : The way to find the person of your dreams


Photo courtesy of The Talon

Picture of a students iFlurtz.

It’s February, and we all know that means: the holiday that us single folks dread the most. That’s right, I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. Now, normally that would mean that I would spend the night of Feb. 14 at home with a bucket of buttery popcorn and a movie pulled up on Netflix. Some of my cinematic confidants in the past have been the Notebook, You’ve Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle. Sense a theme? I sure do.

But this year is different. This year is different, because I’ve discovered the perfect way to find the person of my dreams. I know what you’re thinking: “She discovered what Tinder is, didn’t she? Somebody please tell her that has been a thing for like five years now.”

Alas, that is definitely not what I am talking about. Instead I have found a way to make, what seems like a prehistoric bargain, work in my favor. That’s right, I am talking about the life-changing, world-renowned iFlurtz.

In case you’ve been living under a rock and have not been made aware of this illustrious institution, then allow me to enlighten you. Every February, the entire school fills out a survey that asks questions ranging from your preferred height range to your preferred date, which is then sent to a company. This company then matches you with a person at your school who meets all of your “requirements.” Then, both you and the love and your life end up sitting in a tree and K-I-S-S-I-N-G. You guys know the drill. The rest is history.

Like I said, this year is different.  So when the time came for the ASB kid to come in to my third period class with the forms, my heart skipped a beat because I knew that my results would change my romantic life forever. Now I know what you are thinking: “What romantic life, Sravya? You spend every Friday night with either your SAT Prep book or another season of Jane the Virgin. Sense a theme?” Okay, I don’t have a clever retort for that one.

Anyway, I filled out the survey and made sure to check every answer twice. I would have checked three times, but I was in AP English so that was definitely not an option. The only thing we have time to double check are our practice AP multiple choice questions.

Finally, the day came when ASB would tell me who the person of my dreams was.  I eagerly went up to the ASB stand and bought my envelope with the answer to my February predicament for a meager $2.00: a price I was willing to pay even though my bank account currently holds five cents due to my online shopping addiction.

There it was. The answers I had been waiting for. Now I know what you are probably thinking:

“Open it! Open it! Don’t you want to find out who he is?” Ah, see? I knew you would be rooting for me in the end.

However, the envelope remained unopened and rested in the palm of my hand for the rest of lunch.  Where had all of my eagerness gone? Maybe it was the part of me that is growing up, the part of me that was going to college in a year or simply it was my four-year-old self’s adamant nature which has followed me through all of these years that stopped me from opening the envelope.  

Between the day that I filled out the survey and the day that I got it back, I left you, the reader, in the dark. What changed in that short period of time?

Now I won’t say that I reached some type of epiphany in regards to my life, because I’m 17 and honestly the only epiphanies that I am currently having are in regards to Lean Cuisine microwavable meals being the best cop out of making dinner since Totino’s Pizza Rolls.  

I had reached my own enlightenment regarding the man of my dreams. I knew that his name would not be in that envelope. Sorry Oak Park boys, but you know it is true. More than that, however, I had learned that I did not need a special person to make my month.

I can tell you that I did end up spending my Valentine’s Day differently than usual.  No, I did not happen to run into the love of my life, but I did open my eyes. I opened my eyes to see everyone who makes me happy in ways that my iFlurtz match or any guy, for that matter, never can.  I opened my eyes to see that my 17th year of life did not need a partner to make it special.  

Instead, it simply needed me, myself and I.