Shakespeare through the phone

“(678) 999-8212” (sung: six, seven, eight, triple nine, eight, two, one, two).

If this phone number rings any bells for you (pun certainly intended), or you have the sudden urge to wear baggy pants and not one, but two, gold chains, there’s a chance that you know of the musical masterpiece that is “Kiss Me Thru The Phone” by Soulja Boy.

Best known for his song “Crank That,” which acted as the ultimate party anthem of 2007, Soulja Boy struck the masses with his upbeat love song “Kiss Me Thru The Phone” in 2008, stirring the hearts of romantics everywhere. This song was one of the first in his discography to break his emotional barrier leading many listeners to wonder: Is Soulja Boy a romantic?

“Kiss Me Thru The Phone” is an ode to Soulja Boy’s beloved: a female who, though he loves, he cannot reach, for whatever reasons we are unaware of. He nonetheless uses his flair for language to tell her to kiss him through the phone to tie him over until he sees her later. He clearly shows signs of romantic behavior, in that he misses this single individual more than anything else. In a culture that celebrates one-night stands and a lack of inhibition, this guy is showing some serious dedication and commitment. Which helps me prove my point: Soulja Boy means business.

Soulja Boy makes you understand the devotion he feels towards the woman of his affections, and hence opens up a platform for romantic love in pop culture and music. He woos the listeners whilst doting over this female’s lovely “voice” and “complexion” that makes him miss her so much. He doesn’t treat her like an object (because being treated like that sucks, for lack of a better word) and bestows upon us perfectly healthy #RelationshipGoals.

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He even goes as far as to wanting to make the female in question his wife, which can lead us listeners to believe he’s very serious about the matter of his love. Now I’m not saying that every woman wants a man to “wife her up” or anything, but I am saying that the fact that the option is there isn’t too bad; after all, if you’re going to get married, it might as well be to Soulja Boy.

Ever the cheesy romantic, Soulja Boy even plays to the tired Bonnie and Clyde trope when telling her “You can be my Bonnie, I can be your Clyde,” a common sign that someone is too blinded by love to come up with a better iconic romance to reference. If anyone else did this, I promise the song wouldn’t be at the top of my Spotify playlists, but since it’s him, I’m willing to let it slide.

After this compelling evidence, do you agree? Is Soulja Boy the modern man of romantic music? Yes! Soul Boy is a trailblazer in his own right: a man who can create a classically catchy tune, but also make you want to call your significant other. If there was such thing as a single Valentine’s Day anthem, I can assure you it is this song. And I promise you, dear readers of the Talon, that “Kiss Me Thru The Phone” will be the first dance at my wedding.