A new plague has emerged, infecting countless teenagers in Oak Park and worldwide, one characterized by the art of not caring at all: an epidemic of “nonchalant” people, obsessed with perfecting the most careless, detached appearance possible.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, the term “nonchalant” is defined as behaving in a calm manner, often in a way that suggests you are not interested or do not care. Instead of using nonchalance to approach a certain situation or person in a calm manner, many have decided to apply this philosophy to their lives. High schoolers now believe that the best way to be cool is to show a complete lack of interest or desire to engage with their surroundings.
“I normally see it as the hoods up, slouched halfway down in their seats,” English teacher Jessica Wall-Smith said. “They choose to sit at the back of the class, and will never share in a group discussion unless called on, since raising their hand is seen as caring too much.”
But the truth is, just because you pretend not to care about something does not mean the passions you hold will just fade away. Everyone is passionate about something, and the refusal to express that leads to a boring, stagnant school community. Wall-Smith witnesses this on a daily basis in her classroom.
“It’s sad because students always have so much to say the moment you call on them, they’re brimming with these ideas,” Wall-Smith said. “As a teacher, I have to take away the embarrassment by calling on them so they feel allowed to share in a group setting.”
The idea that an aversion to caring makes you more desirable can poison relationships as well. The common phenomenon of “situationships” can be attributed to an inability to commit to a single person or defined relationship. And not only romantic relationships have eroded because of this nonchalant mentality. Openness forms the basis of all human connections, thus affecting every relationship in our lives.
“Vulnerability is the glue that bonds individuals together in any sort of relationship,” Dr. Anton Shcherbakov, a licensed clinical psychologist, said. “Without this important glue, our relationship risks being superfluous.”
In a study by research professor Brené Brown, two groups were examined, those who reported achieving a strong sense of love and belonging, and those who struggled to find it. The key difference was that the first group could be vulnerable, while the second group could not.
“They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful,” Brown said. “As a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were.”
The fear of vulnerability is a valid one. After all, being “cringe” is seen as the ultimate social crime. Almost no one wants to be caught caring too much about something that isn’t universally “cool.” But the reality of the situation is that everything will be cringe to someone. But as Wall-Smith puts it: “It’s not actually ‘not caring,’ it’s a terror of being judged by other people for being too passionate or cringe.”
No matter how much you love something, or how much it excites you, someone out there will roll their eyes at you for simply having an interest. The only way you can win the game of avoiding cringe is by never showing enthusiasm for anything in your life. And that sounds like a miserable way to live.
“It’s exhausting to care so much about the way other people perceive you. When every single thing you do becomes a performance for other people, it becomes tiring very quickly,” Wall-Smith said.
So what is the remedy to this quick-spreading social pandemic? Simply stop playing along. Stop pretending to not care, and stop letting the fear of being judged dictate your life choices. It’s not embarrassing to have a passion, nor is it a weakness to feel enthusiasm for something you love. If anything, the real embarrassment will come years later in life when you look back and realize how much time was spent trying to seem effortless rather than enjoying your high school experience.
In the end, caring about something isn’t just good, as Wall-Smith says, “it’s the best thing a human can be.”
