Regardless of whether you have a passion for theater or not, we all perform sometimes. You might want to impress your crush or look more sophisticated in front of a new group of people, and to achieve the desired impression, you might find yourself employing certain materials, phrases or clothing pieces. But when do these efforts stray from well-intentioned attempts to gain social capital to becoming downright deceptive?
In recent months, “performative” people have come under fire for, simply put, faking their personalities. At the forefront of this criticism is the “performative male,” characterized by a man who pretends to be interested in feminist literature, matcha and wired headphones playing Laufey or Clairo. The performance in question is intended to attract romantic partners, while ironically being a poor display of sophistication and feminism. In reality, the stereotype of a performative male could care less about Clairo’s newest album or women’s rights, for that matter.
This archetype has gained a life of its own, resulting not only in internet memes but numerous “performative male contests,” where hundreds don the costume and perform as performative. The frustration with performative males is understandable, as women feel blindsided by men who pretend to share their interests and beliefs only to treat them badly in the end.
Still, in some ways, it seems fair that for once, the men are the one at the forefront of criticism when it comes to romantic pandering. After all, no-one gets more flack than the infamous “pick-me girl”, relentlessly reviled by critics online and in-person for her desperate attempts to receive male attention, often at the expense of her female peers. Similar to the performative male, the pick-me girl derives her romantic appeal from the degradation of her competition, highlighting herself as “not like other girls” and framing herself as the ideal recipient of the male gaze.
How much can we blame the pick-me girl, though, for letting her internalized misogyny get the best of her; or for that matter, the performative male, for trying to get a girlfriend? At the heart of these ceaseless theatrics is a human desire for connection, something even the most authentic person can relate to. In an increasingly isolated society, it’s no wonder that some turn to blatant self-objectification in the quest to find love.
Let’s be clear, though: manipulation is not how you get there.
Acting like some modern iteration of a siren, luring potential suitors into vulnerability with the promise of being “different” from past partners, only to inevitably put them into the same eerily situationship-sized space between a rock and a hard place? Doing so only worsens the growing mistrust many young people have towards the idea of romance, or love in general.
But the issue remains: what’s to be done about the men who really do enjoy reading Joan Didion or spinning vinyl?
While the distrust of performative males might arise from genuine frustration, there’s also a chance that some of this criticism comes from seeing men diverge from heteronormative ideals in an increasingly conservative generation.
Once someone’s hobbies, interests and beliefs are reduced to a simple stereotype, what can they do? Will they be forced to find a new personality or join the bitter horde of internet gatekeepers, defending their once-novel identities with the tired excuse of “I did it before it was cool!”?
Today, it’s harder than ever to find a hobby free from accusations of performance. Reading, collecting vinyl, watching foreign cinema and even things like volunteering are all under suspicion. This raises the question: Is the simple act of existing now viewed as “performative”?
In a world where people treat being “niche” as a competitive sport, a little due criticism is not an inherently bad thing. After all, pretending to be something you’re not is never a good philosophy, especially if you do so to manipulate or assert some sense of false superiority. Still, a deliberate mistrust of everyone who strays from the common idea of what a certain age or demographic should be just reinforces harmful social norms.
So, the next time your snap judgment is to criticize a person for being “performative”, take a moment to consider the level of authenticity present in your life instead. The truth is, being unabashedly yourself is more difficult than you might think— and requires a level of courage not everyone has. Some are farther along on their personal journeys of self-acceptance than others, and there’s nothing wrong with that. So maybe the pick-me-girl and performative male should try going out sometime. Who knows? They might have more in common than we think.
