Although this last semester has been a time of great peace and serenity as we seniors celebrate our march toward adulthood and independence and all those other virtues that come on cat posters, let’s be real — this is not real life.

Enjoy it while you can, suckers, because soon enough, we’re back on the treadmill.

We’re going to be freshmen again! So, in preparation for becoming a freshman 2.0, after consulting both the deepest and darkest of my high school memories and a certified college freshman expert, I have created these steps to help you be a freshman again. Here goes:

First, understand that you are at the bottom of the totem pole. But do not let this stop you from being a fabulous member of society. Instead, be extremely resentful that you are at the bottom of the totem pole. What will naturally follow is that you will over compensate with excessive cursing and PDA — now everyone will know that you are really, really cool!

Second, now that you’re cool, document every second of your experience onto social media. Got a latte? It’s on Instagram. Your friend’s got an amazingly underrated joke about pistachios? Bless the world via Twitter. Your professor ACTUALLY FOR REAL, NO LIE showed up to school in his pajamas? That’s going on your Snapchat story. Forget that social media never dies and that you will probably regret these decisions when you’re trying to be an adult and get a job, but hey, you’re a freshman! Screw responsibilities!

Third, when figuring out your dreams, always overestimate how much you can really handle. Plan for the future by not really planning, but rather by pointing out all the things you’ll do — for sure, most definitely — during your time in college. Just like a kid demanding gifts for Christmas: you’ll do intramural sports, learn to play an instrument, write for the on-campus newsletter, get to know your professor, transfer into Harvard, start dating, all as you work two jobs to start paying off your student loan debt.

Fourth, miss all of the friends that went to different schools and make a series of promises that you will not keep. Promise you’ll keep in touch with them. Promise you’ll go to their graduation in four years. Promise you’ll have an annual reunion. In this process, you’ll differentiate between who you actually cared about in high school from who was actually an [EXPLETIVE DELETED].

But really, if there was one encompassing way to fully reach your inner freshman, it’s to be confused — out-of-your-mind confused, hilariously-all-over-the-place confused — and to embrace it. Embrace this confusion and see where it takes you.

And then hope it doesn’t show up when you Google search your name.