The best time to wear a striped sweater is not all the time

I’m sorry, SpongeBob

The other day, as I revisited memories of childhood, a certain SpongeBob song popped out to me. No, it wasn’t the theme song or “F.U.N.,” it was “Sweater Song.”

SpongeBob Squarepants says “the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.” In the song, he specifically refers to a sweater that has a collar or turtleneck. In “Sweater Song,” SpongeBob tries to convey that people should live their lives to the fullest: a cliché that reigns true. I understand that Mr. Squarepants may not have meant that the best time to wear a striped sweater was literally all the time, but people may take his words seriously. Regardless of the intention behind the words, it is the words that matter.

I will have to respectfully refute Mr. Squarepants’s claim. There are numerous instances in which wearing a striped sweater would either simply not be preferred, or even may be considered inappropriate attire.

For instance, Waldo from “Where’s Waldo” is always misplaced in pictures. At times, it becomes so difficult to find him in the picture, that people often give up. Now, how do you think that impacts Waldo’s self-esteem? It is a safe assumption that when people give up on you, it hurts. Put yourself in his shoes: Your friends are looking for you at lunch, but you blend in so easily with everyone else that they give up and go to Carl’s Jr. without you.

Waldo would benefit if he were to change his outfit. If he changed his attire to a bright yellow sweater, for instance, people would be able to find him so much easier.

Might I also say that Minnie Mouse would not be the same without her iconic polka dots. Could you imagine a world where the Mouse couple wore stripes instead of dots?

While Phineas Flynn from “Phineas and Ferb” may enjoy wearing an orange, striped T-shirt for his many years of summer, even he does not venture to change his look to a striped sweater – even when he changes his look in the episode “Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation.”

In this particular episode, we see Phineas in orange, striped pajamas. However, when he changes into a sweater, it is a solid blue one, with none of his signature stripes. Phineas proves that he likes stripes by wearing them basically every day, so the fact that he neglects to wear them when changing into a sweater confirms that striped sweaters just do not work for everyone.

If you live in southern California and it is 107 degrees outside, would you wear a striped sweater? Only if you want to be drenched in sweat. When you are attending a wedding or any formal event, would you wear a striped sweater? Only if you want to be mocked, ridiculed and cropped out of family photos.

Therefore, I am sorry SpongeBob, but you are simply incorrect in your assertion that the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.